THE TWILIGHT IN AMPERA

Love is not everything…But if we lose a love, As we lose everything….

May, 2009….

That twilight remains an unanswerable question, when the sun begin leaving a day and the moon is ready to welcome the night than the dark will come soon into my life, each birds come back to their nest after being tired of looking for foods. The wind blows as bringing a fear to the people for coming out home and the red cloud shows the power and strength of sky to the universe decorates the blue sky, surprised me all.

That time, I was standing on the Ampera bridge in the middle of Palembang city which is very proud and amazing, Palembang is one of big city in Sumatera island. Each twilight I always come to this bridge only to remember someone, I don’t know how to express what I’m feeling now, is there some body trying to find me ?... Coz I’m losing grip here, with no soul, with no friend. What is the value of life without the one who I love ? When the night is coming and the moon is rising I come back home with tears in my eyes.

I remember all the time we spent together long time ago, our story and memory, your face is still in my lonely mind, now I spent my time alone without your presence, on this bridge exactly. Long time ago, engraved our story on this bridge. So that why I always come here and still hope that story will return back here, I realize this is impossible. When I’m standing here, as if you were here beside me seeing a beautiful boats on the edge of Musi river.

That panorama reminds me about you and our memory, a sweet seventeen memory.
I do not care about a crowd of people around me, the noise of city means nothing for me, coz everything feels death, everyone is dead, you are the only one who is alive. You are the sweetest gift for me, I will always wish your presence although in a dream. I wound up at your door and time is running out as it kills me…Day after day but I’m still here waiting for you. I realize it is impossible for you to come, but I wish you could see me bleeding alone with no place have to go, with no friend have to share, your shadow reminds me about our story ago…

***********

March 2004….

“Fauzan wake up! It is 06.30 am o’clock, don’t you have a class?” My mom woke me up repeatedly, but so hard to open my eyes, I’m still sleepy.

“Fauzan, wake up! The sun is shining now, you will be late”. That voice sounds again, now louder than before, I’m sure that my mom is getting angry now.

“Yes mom, I wake up”. I said rudely. I remembered to day I have got an exam in my school for the last of semester. I just woke up and run away to the bath room for taking a bath. Five ten minutes later…..

“Let’s have a breakfast, Fauzan”. My mom said.

“No, I’m afraid of being late, we have an exam in the school, I think I must be off now”.
“Ok, take care of your self”. My mom said while I run away and go to school by my beloved

cycle, and I always bring it where ever I go.

After getting examination, a met my friend, Zahrah Aliah. She was my class mate. I like her so much because she is a pretty and a good girl who always tough me about every things, as I found my world and be my real self when I was beside her, I love her more than I love my self, but I’m afraid to express my feeling to her, I don’t know why. Before recognizing her, my life was empty . I’m lose in the dark of my life, I’m scared but I begin opening a new leaf when I knew her as far as I never alone and sad after knowing her.

“Lia, will you come back soon ?” I asked as we go out from the class and walk a way to the parking area.

“Yup, coz my mom was getting me for coming back directly, without calling at any where”. Lia answered with a bit smile in her sexy lips.

“May I take you home?” I offered some help to Lia and hoping she could receive it.. “Really?

But I’m afraid of bothering you, Fauzan”

“No problem, I will be happy if I could help you.” I said while making sure that I was very happy for taking her home. Than, We were going by cycle, on the way, Lia only keep silence, but I tried to make chat between us. This is my first time I take her home, as far as I recognized her I never take her home.. For about 30 minutes a way, we arrived at Lia’s home.
“Don’t you call at my home, Fauzan ?” she said while got down from the cycle.
“No, I’m sorry. May be some other times, coz I got something to do, just say hey to your mom. By the way, do you have plenty of time this afternoon? How if we take a walk to Ampera?
“Ok ! What time we will be going to go ?” Lia asked curiously.

“At 05.00 pm, and I will take you. Just wait for me in your home”

“Ok, see you”. She said while I was turning back to turn on my cycle and go away. After that, I came back home, actually I really want to call at her home, but I have some work in my home need to do.

**********

I hardly forget my promise to Lia that we will be going to visit Ampera bridge at 05.00 pm. I made a preparation fast for going there, I have a lot of thing to do this noon, so that way I hardly forget my promise to her. I came to her home at 05.00 pm exactly, coz I do not want to make her kept waiting for me too long, when I arrived at her home, I saw her has been ready for hanging out with me. We covered the distance about two km. Lia’s home was nearby Palembang square. After arriving at Ampera bridge, I parked my cycle in the side of bridge.
“By the way, do you always come here ?” Lia asked me as she got down from the cycle and walked to the side of bridge and saw beautiful panorama.

“I almost come here every twilight”. I answered.

“Really?” Lia asked curiously, it seemed that I have a strange hobby.

“I always spent my twilight here, I my self didn’t know, why I loved the panorama here.”
Lia was standing as she hold a big prisoner iron side of bridge while I was sitting on the cycle that I parked beside her standing. We looked at view and panorama in front of us, a beautiful river with its pure water flows quietly, we don’t care at all about a noise of vehicles around us, we only looked at blue sky, small boats which is called by Palembang people “Sekoci” the one of faster water vehicle to take up a passenger and many things to their places, we both enjoyed that all. That twilight was a special moment for me, because Lia was around beside me, so hard to imagine the one who I loved for long, now standing beside me, accompanied my loneliness and make my soul warm by her aura.

“Lia”. I broke a silence. While getting down from my cycle and stood beside her.
“I knew, we were in a brotherhood since we were in junior high school until now. I tell you frankly, in that so long time, have been growing the seeds of love inside my heart and I can’t deny it. I felt that only you I had who lighten up my way and fill my days up with gladness. Than my heart said that the feeling was enough to be a reason for me to grow up a love in my heart, I understand you were my friend but this love did not know at all.”
Lia was only silent without voice sounded from her when I expressed my love. I was sure she was so surprised by my speaking, but she just stayed relaxed.

“I realize” Lia said slowly, untill I did not hear hardly her voice.

“I know you long time ago, and we have understood our character and situation each other, do you know ?.. I was happy and comfort when you were here beside me, I felt safe if you are around. But I just can bury that feeling in the bottom of my heart for long, I can’t deny that I need you so much and I’m lonesome when you were so far away. Ever crossed in my mind if you are my boy friend, but I was shame to express that, don’t you see a love burns eternally in my eyes when I see you ?”

Lia nodded her head as she is shy for telling her feeling to me that she kept in her heart for long, because of shaming. I was so surprised when she also felt what I feel. Lia only smiled when I saw her face deeply looking for love burns in her eyes. We both were in silence, feeling the love burns eternally and flows to our blood, Ampera bridge became a silent witness for our love, the time was felt so fast. I don’t know why, when she beside me the time was felt so fast, the world was so different. Is it a love ? I don’t know.

“Fauzan, what time now?” Lia asked me as she wanted to see my watch in my hand.
“Oh… it’s almost 06.00 pm o’clock” Let’s come back home, the day will be dark soon !”
Before going I whispered word in her ear that I love her so much and I hope her not to doubt my love. Lia only nodded and smiled when I made her sure that she was the one I love. After that unforgettable moment we were back home, we never forget that moment.

**********

July, 2007…

We went through this love for about four years, my days were always filled out by her presence and love. Until that twilight, a frozen and scared twilight which always made me wound up and bore the pain if I remember that, at that time when we just went home from hanging out in Ampere as usual we did, at coming back home I rode my cycle so fast.
That twilight was our last day or moment for going to Ampera because Lia will go to continue her study to Java island. I was sad, my head were confused and I was so upset because of that temporary farewell. So that way I rode my cycle without control. Actually Lia has reminded me repeatedly by striking my shoulder for riding slowly, but I didn’t care about that.

In the end, I lose my control and classed a bus which slide away from the contrary direction. We fall down and flung away and then splashed about bloods, by a half consciousness I saw Lia filled by bloods in her face and body. I tried hard to help her by my half strength and power, I got near to her by creeping on the earth. But nothing I can do. I cried as loud as possible, I hugged Lia hoping she will breathe and shake her body then live again, but I wished nothing because Lia only kept silent. I was sure that she was gone away forever and leave me and our memories.

“Lia !!!!!”. I scream loudly I tasted the tears flew from my eyes and I was faint.
Each people was coming to see us and tried to help us soon then they bring us to the hospital I was just unconscious when they brought me, coz I my self got an immortally wounded. My head torn because of called to the asphalt and my left hand was in a shrub. For about four days in a hospital, I have just been conscious, my heart was more sad when I hear her situation from my mom, she passed away because of that accidence.
“Damn my self” I whispered.

I stayed in a hospital more than a month, after that the doctor allowed me to came back home because I have got well. After taking a rest a few day in my home, I visited Lia’s grave, and I cried beside her grave, but nobody tried to find me and help me. My tears flew from my eyes to the earth on Lia’s grave, only praying I could say to you. “Forgive me for all my mistakes”.
I prayed for this heart to be unbroken but without you what I’m living for. I was hopeless with this life. my life was empty, but I tried hard to pass my time without you, I’m sure that I was able to make everything under control and I’ll make it through. I did not know what I was feeling, I feel flying into the sky, escaping through a dreams. Everything was felt so hard for me, All of sweet memories with Lia have been buried with her death body inside her grave. The memories in Ampera bridge spoiled my days and my feelings as kill me with knife of longing forever.

Cries of untears, screams of unsound, sleep of unrest under the silent moon. The cries and screams of their deepest worry about what they imagined could happen with the one they love, in any place on earth they had never known where, when there was no one to meet for help or even to answer the question. It is the souls’ cries of our very parents on the road of their fate they must passed through.

“Good bye Lia.” I walked away and take good care of your self, my love will go on, I will love you always in every steps of mine”.